Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

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(613): View more from Ontario

I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.

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(646): View more from New York

She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."

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(513): View more from Ohio

With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap

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(210): View more from Texas

remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.

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(254): View more from Texas

So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???

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(541): View more from Oregon

I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.

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