thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
COCAINE IS GR8
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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