Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
