look no pants
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
