I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
