A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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