fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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