I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
