I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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