she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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