john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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