I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
