We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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