Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
