I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
