I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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