Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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