I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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