So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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