Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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