Just cropdusted the office
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
