I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
