Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
