Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
