It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
