When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
