I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
