There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
