Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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