I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
