I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
