He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
