You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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