im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
