My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
