i think my tv is drunk
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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