So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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