hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
