I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
