Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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