I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
