i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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