She's JV to your varsity
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
