It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
