and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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