You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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