no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
