This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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