We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
