Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
