well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
