Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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