Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
