I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
