Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
