Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
