Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
