Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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