Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
