went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
