dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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