hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
