My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Everyone says I win the strip club
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize