she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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