you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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