There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
