I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
