At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
