I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
