I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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