this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
