i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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