If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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