I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
