Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Boobs speak an international language.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
