I'm so fucking centered right now
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
