508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
