Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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